John Adams has never won an award for his writing, but he is a former collegiate athlete for a small college where everyone makes the team. Currently, he is a grad student at the University of Southern California studying the archaic form called print journalism. John points to Flutie’s Hail Mary as the birth of his love for college football, and Lloyd Carr’s tenure at Michigan as the beginning of his love of strong drink.
Week nine is now in the books and the discussion in college football turns to one thing and one thing only. It isn’t the season reaching the midway point, or the amazing games around the corner, or the ones recently witnessed. Instead, it is dominated by talk of a computer.
This computer talk is what fans point to when their complaints begin to spew over the Bowl Championship Series bungle.
Paul "Bear" Bryant is rolling in his grave as the BCS has replaced his famous quote, "Offense sells tickets; Defense wins championships!" with "Computers, strength of schedule and a computer-geek in a corner office decides who gets to play that championship-level defense."
Most experts in the field of college football would ask for a "plus-one" game pitting the winners of the top two bowl games against each other for the national championship. Others would go for the gusto and demand an eight-team playoff with the six major conference winners and two additional at-large teams chosen by the all-knowing computer man.
However, I am a forward thinker and know these "tournaments" will never fly with the BCS or presidents of the universities. So, I am calling for radical changes to determine the national champion. The top eight teams will compete in one of the following as selected by a spin of a huge wheel located at the College Football Hall of Fame in South Bend:
Option 1 — American Gladiators
Each team will compete as gladiators and contestants in the popular show, American Gladiators. I would love to see top college linemen going after each other in the Joust. Speedy receivers scaling up the Climbing Wall. Tight ends circling the linebackers as they attempt to win at Powerball. And who wouldn't love seeing elite running backs blazing through the Eliminator?
Option 2 — So You Think You Can Dance
I don’t know exactly how this would work, but I am sure there would be a period of time where people would have to call in and vote for their favorite team. Whatever three teams had the lowest amount of votes, they would have to do a dance off. Who wouldn’t want to see the dance moves of a 350-pound offensive lineman?
Option 3 — Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
This would be an excellent opportunity to show off our student-athletes. The BCS could bring in fifth graders from the opposing team's city and put them against the star athletes. This would also be a great way to get the community involved.
Option 4 — Rotating Options
This would be a rotating option to add special games to address the ever-changing culture, such as Japanese Game Shows, Checkers, Rock Paper Scissors, etc.
If you are reading this and thinking, "How ridiculous!" please know that I am writing it and thinking the same thing. It is just as ridiculous as not having a playoff system in college football.
I am facing the reality I will not see a championship decided on the field that hasn't first been decided in some computer-nerd's tan cubicle. It saddens me and causes me to look toward March, and the madness of championships being decided by last shots, amazing teamwork and of course, defense.